Reclaiming My Optimism

I’ve been so unhappy for so long that it’s become my natural state. Only it’s not my natural state; it’s just the by-product of a particularly rough patch in this glorious gift of human experience. I have also adapted to it, disliking how I feel yet feeling powerless to change it.

Then one day I realized that I can change it. So I stood up and declared, “I am reclaiming my optimism!”

And nothing happened.

Oh, life continued. It may even have improved, though it wasn’t reflected in my mood. A week passed and I was still miserable. When I asked myself why this was, the answer came pretty quickly:

“Reclaim  is a verb, Ru. You have to do something.”

Oh. Yeah.

Darn.

See, when I’m unhappy, I lack motivation. I want things to right themselves while I loaf around in front of the TV or snooze on the sofa or complain to everyone about everything. Why do I have to make myself feel better when it’s not my fault that I feel crappy?

Well, “reclaim” is a verb. If I have the wherewithal to recognize that I am unhappy, and that I dislike being unhappy, it’s up to me to stop being unhappy.

But how?

Good question. Simple answer.

Gratitude.

I know, I know. If someone had said that to me three weeks ago, I’d have barfed on them. Problem is, it’s true. When all else fails, employ gratitude. I dragged out my old “shoot for the moon” journal, the one I started in 2010 where the last entry was dated 2016, and I started logging things for which I am grateful. I wrote every day, focusing on little things when big things continued to overwhelm, and gradually, I began to feel better. Happier. More hopeful. More empowered. More optimistic. More me.

Miracles happen all the time whether or not I see them, so now I look for them. I may only find one in a day, but at least I’m looking! And, just as negativity gains momentum, positivity does the same.

It’s a process, of course, and some days are still a struggle, but spark by spark, I’m pulling myself out of the dark.

Welcome back, Ru.

With love,