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In the midst of chaos – another birthday.

I woke up feeling strangely disconnected from myself this morning. The past few months have been utterly crazy for a myriad of reasons. Today is the first day in weeks when nothing’s been on the docket, and while the crazies rage all around it, my birthday sits like the eye of the hurricane, where all is calm.

Okay, that’s a bit of hyperbole. Let’s just say there’s a lot going on and it won’t be stopping anytime soon. Life is like that. There’s always something. We claim we want routine, we crave a level playing field, yet how many static days pass before we complain about being bored? I didn’t ask for any of what’s happening … or did I? If only I’d brought a copy of my contract on the day I was born …

Back to this morning. Birthdays being my New Year’s benchmark, it was time for a review of the past year with an eye to seeing if/how I’ve progressed since last September. This year, I’ve kind of stumbled in the gratitude department. I’m not completely happy with my job, and I’m not completely happy at home (nothing to do with Ter; believe me when I say that she’s sharing the pain). More change is definitely in the wind … but how am I doing with me? Am I okay with Ru? I’ve been running full tilt for so many months that I haven’t had time to think, let alone act. I’m in dire need of serious self-care, that’s for darned sure, and “self-care” does not mean eating as much ice cream as I want despite the congestion I’ll encounter as a result. That’s self-indulgence. Or maybe self-destructive.

It feels good in the moment, though.

I’m a Virgo and Virgo is an earth sign. I need grounding, else I’m susceptible to drama. And grounding is what I’ve missed most of late. Everyone needs solitude in some degree; that’s when we look inward to see how we’re doing. Well, I looked inward this morning and saw myself spinning in orbit when I should be fixed solidly at centre. In a summer fraught with grief, frustration, and anxiety, this is no surprise. It is not, however, inevitable that I remain grief-stricken, frustrated or anxious. The best way I know to bring me back to earth?

Gratitude. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

Work is nuts, but I work with good caring people. Work is cramped, but my office roommate is the only person on the whole crowded floor I would choose to bump elbows with in a tiny space. Home is noisy, but it’s beautiful whether or not the toddler downstairs is pitching a fit. (And none of it is permanent; I can change it if I want.) I still have the ocean, I can still do the stairs, I’m in better health now than I was a year ago—and I still have my Ter. I still have dear friends and a wonderful family… and I had the best mum that ever was.

Happy birthday, Ru. Welcome back to earth.