The Daily Mood

Guess what? I’ve discovered that if I miss the seventeen second window on waking, I can still determine how my day will go by consciously choosing my mood when I get to work.

Ter gave me this hilarious item for Christmas—a little flip chart of “mood possibilities” with emoticon visuals. To get maximum use of it, I brought it to the office and have consulted it every weekday since. I’ll get my morning tea and, while my computer boots, I’ll peruse the pages with one question in mind: What’s my mood?

I’m already in one when I get to work, of course. It’s not always good, but it’s usually better than my default on waking (I miss that window a lot) because I may like my job, but it’s not my bliss and who wants to get up early for something less? The receptionist where I once worked could read someone’s state of mind on sight, without exchanging a word. It became a joke between us. I’d walk in and ask her, “How’s my vibe today?” She’d either nod, shake her head, or wag her hand in the yea/nay gesture, and the tone for my day would be set.

She was right ninety-nine percent of the time.

Fast forward to Now. I’m at my desk, flipping through my options. So far this year, I’ve been Addled, Borderline, Bouncy, Chill, Dreamlike, Fabulous, Hunky-Dory, Overstimulated, Rockin’, Rushed, Scattered, Splendid, and Wonky. I’d like not to repeat myself, but I can’t bring myself to admit when I might feel Apathetic, Cantankerous, Maniacal, Neglected, Non-Essential, Redundant, or Subversive … except for one day at the end of January, when our office manager innocently asked me ahead of my decision how I was doing that morning.

I silently flashed the card for Grouchy.

She gave me wide eyes and retreated a pace. “Ohhh …”

“But it’s okay,” I assured her. “It won’t last.”

It rarely does. Acknowledging my crappy mood will often make it disappear, like a petulant child who just wants a pat on the head before running off to play by herself. Even if I suspect I’m closer to the Dark Side of a morning, if I hesitate on one of the more negative options, I will hesitate again by asking myself if I really want to be in a crummy mood for all to see.

I do not.

Since then, our office manager will pause at my door when she comes in, and I will proudly flash whatever card I’ve chosen for the day.

It’s become a happy ritual.

It Is What It Is

I only think I'm a drone. This guy really is!

Hands up, everyone who is doing what they love!

Ah. Me, neither.

I suspect it’s been so for most people for millennia. Despite what self-help coaches say, circumstances are not so easily changed. Those who manage to improve their status or acquire their dream job/home/mate etc. more often discover a new set of args that differ but are no less, er, arguous than the args they were trying to escape. No one is happy all the time. And you know why?

Life is meant to be a challenge. Without adversity, there is no growth, no progress, and no awareness of the truly sublime. I refer not to society as a group, but to the individual, to each unique spirit in whatever role is being played this time out. The real challenge is to find peace whether or not you love what you’re doing. That’s not to say you must be content with what you have—by all means, reach for that dream. I hope you attain it. But happiness can happen any time, anywhere, in any condition.

Conversely, so can unhappiness.

The choice is yours.

I suppose I could dump my government job and step off the cliff in pursuit of a writing career, but I kinda like the regular paycheque and—given the amount of dental work I’ve had of late—the accompanying benefits. Decision made. I accept that the gov’t job ain’t my bliss, but it doesn’t have to be my life, either. Sometimes it is, or seems to be, and that’s when awareness kicks in. I can let it rule me, or I can rule it. Life itself is neutral. How I perceive it determines how I feel about it. I’m okay with hating it now and then; as I say, without contrast, boredom would kill me. But it is what it is, so it’s really up to me. Whenever possible, in whatever circumstance, wherever I find myself, my conscious choice is to find peace/happiness/contentment.

Why choose anything else?

Spring is Sprung

Daffy daff. I wondered why this one grew with its back to the sun until I realized that, like a trumpeter heralding the king, its job is to announce the royal presence. A new day, a new season, a new year, a new cycle.

Spring officially arrived in a blustery sunny burst of hail yesterday morning. Victoria weather is always a mixed bag. One minute pouring, the next minute blindingly bright, always windy, then … ye gods, is that hail? The sky holds everything from gulls hanging on the updraft to clouds so dense that light bends around them. Don’t like what you’ve got? Wait five minutes. It will change—and if not, the gods made you adaptable. So adapt.

Hands up, everyone who knows yesterday was also International Happiness Day. Another important date, like Random Acts of Kindness Week, that got no media attention. I only know about it because Ter, despite her present obsession with “Where in the World is Malaysian Air Flight 370?”, has chosen to receive—gasp!—positive (?!) headlines on her FB newsfeed and continually flips me links to keep me inspired. (I am not insensitive to the MA370 mystery, by the way; I’m as baffled and suspicious as anyone, but life must go on for those whose lives can go on.) It’s preaching to the converted, but I voted among the 87% who believe that true success is based on “happiness and wellbeing” rather than “money and stuff”. I will always have what I need and I will always be loved. Excellent starting points from which to build.

Today is “Ru Happiness Day”. Despite slogging through my second cold in two months, I am safe, warm, plugged into a green tea IV, and following my bliss. Yep, that’d be writing. Whether it be blog posts, handwritten notes for a new short story, or trying to keep a young man’s fancy from jumping the gun in the novel, I am doing what I love to do best. Playing with words. Describing pictures. Transcribing conversations. Forgetting to eat. Disregarding the time. I do have the finale of True Detective on tap over lunch, but other than that, spring has sprung, the day is mesmerizing … and my back is to the window, my face bathed in the sickly blue glow of the monitor, and my gyokuro imperial green tea is just about steeped. Watch out, cold symptoms.

Happiness abounds.

Not My Bliss

My guru hero from "Kung Fu Panda" - Master Shifu

How’s that acceptance gig going, Ru?

Er … well …

2.5 hours into my Monday and I’m yelling at a co-worker: “Do you know how many New Year’s resolutions I’ve broken since I got here? Including the one about not yelling at you anymore!”

I like my job; really, I do. I like the people I work with, truly. I’m part of a supportive, cooperative, dedicated, talented group of adults who get important things done despite the powers that be, and I’m proud to be counted among them.

But this is not my bliss. I spent my vacation living life at my own speed in my own environment with my own peeps. After the holiday hoopla was over, I found a rhythm that matched Nature’s daily cycle. I was productive, I was happy, I was … okay, serene will never apply, but I was pretty darned close to experiencing ongoing inner peace. I actually felt able to re-enter my office world and not lose my cool.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Extenuating circumstances? Maybe. Full moon follies? Sure. Fourth quarter crazies? As usual. Then Ter mentioned the pendulum swing. She and I both wanted to slit our wrists after two days back at work. The third was the tipping point. We were tired at the end of it, but we were also more optimistic about surviving the rest of the week. We’ll make it ʼcause we always do. Humans are nothing if not adaptable, and much as I hate, loathe and despise waking up before I’m ready, I am finding my rhythm again.

Acceptance is next.