Where 'Ere You Find It

Downton Abbey, series 4, episode 8: Lady Edith Crawley laments to her grandmother, “Sometimes I think God doesn’t want me to be happy.” To which the Dowager Countess of Grantham replies with something along the lines of, “Life is full of challenges. One is resolved, then another … and another … and … and why don’t you fetch us some ice cream?”

I confess, I often want to smack Lady Edith. Ter admonishes me to be more forgiving and to consider the time in which the Crawleys live. Edith is clearly a misfit in Edwardian society, a culture where a woman’s worth is based on how good a marriage she makes. She’s a misfit in her own family, as well—the homely middle daughter outshone by her beautiful older sister (who is mean as a junkyard dog with her) and eclipsed by her charismatic younger sister (who, unfortunately, died in season 3). She may also be the smartest of the three, the one who strikes out on her own to write a weekly newspaper column and even—gasp!—has a fling with a married man, but because every “normal” move she makes blows up in her face, she is an object of pity and self-loathing. Playing by society’s rules hasn’t worked for her, so, naturally, she is a sullen, self-pitying presence in the drawing room and is surely justified in suspecting that God is out to get her.

She couldn’t be more wrong.

God, by whichever name applies, wants everyone to be happy. God, however, is not responsible for whether or not we are happy. That’s our part of the bargain. And while life is designed to push us beyond our comfort zone, it also provides for joy. Even in our darkest moments, joy can be found. It doesn’t have to last long; just enough to help us forget our moment of misery and emerge a little bit stronger for having had the break.

Sometimes I think that the more we have, the more we expect from happiness—and the less likely we are to get it, because happiness is a soul thing and we seek it through our egos. Don’t get me wrong, I love “stuff”. I love coloured pencils and hardcover books and shiny earrings and fast cars and cool shoes, and who doesn’t love chocolate??? but acquiring stuff is like eating too much sugar: it only whets your appetite and leaves you sick and unsatisfied.

Joy is found in experience rather than stuff. Hearing a child’s laughter. Holding a warm mug of tea in your cold hands. Listening to the ocean’s heartbeat. Watching the Flyers even if they’re losing the &*^%ing game. Thinking fondly of someone you love. Trusting that the someone will sense that thought and feel better for it.

Knowing that you, too, are loved.

Rather than smacking her, now I wish Lady Edith would bust out and tip the world on its ear. If she does, however, her life won’t get any easier. She may not be any happier, either. But if she chooses to look for it, she will find joy.

And so will you.

With love,