“What’s It All About, Elfie?”

Some cooks have a kitchen witch. The cook who lives here has me, an elf. Phil, to be precise. Phil on the Sill, not to be confused with the Elf on the Shelf. True, I only appear once a year, but that’s because my speciality is holiday treats.

The good stuff. Shortbread and mince tarts. Fudge and peppermint bark. Cookies. I’ve also overseen December birthday teas (who celebrates a birthday at Christmas, for crying out loud?) and the holiday headliner: roast turkey with gravy and three veg. Yep, veggies are welcome in this kitchen. Even Brussel sprouts, and they don’t always have to be sautéed with bacon!

Every December, I see what’s developed while I’ve been away. What new tools and/or ingredients have arrived in my absence. A tea advent calendar is new for 2015; that’s kind of cool. If you like tea, of course. I’m more of an eggnog man, myself, though it’s not so prevalent since the locals went semi-dairy-free … and discovered where the rum was going.

They thought I was a cute plush ornament—which I am—but I also serve a useful purpose. Elves are magic, you see, and those GF thumbprints went sideways last Christmas because I was whooping it up with Captain Morgan. Now that the household is nog-less, my skills are sharper than ever. Everything baked has been gold. Everything roasted, braised or stewed has been juicy, tender and delicious. I might look like I’m doing nothing, but make no mistake. I’m thoroughly engaged.

It’s my job, but it’s also my bliss. How lucky am I?