Monday, 31 March 2014

Present Moment


I watched a guy on a street corner the other day. He got there as the “don’t walk” signal kicked in and while I thought he’d go for it anyway, he hesitated. In that brief pause, he missed his opportunity. The light turned red and north/south traffic began to flow. He stood for a sec, visibly twitching, then pivoted on his heel to cross in front of my car. Again, he waited too long and the light changed. Spinning, he was away like a thoroughbred at the races, but having observed his agitated behaviour, I thought, Are you kidding? You can’t wait for two minutes at a traffic light? What-is-the-big-rush?

Same goes for the driver of the big a** truck who changed lanes three times to reach the intersection no further ahead of me because the traffic was literally bumper-to-bumper—and this on a Saturday afternoon when you have to know that it’s gonna be nuts out there. But really, the pedestrian seeking the quickest way across the street puzzled me more. Admittedly, I get miffed if my rhythm is stalled by a mistimed crossing signal, but you know what? It’s fun to stand still for a minute and watch the world zoom by. It pulls me from mindless chaos to mindful presence. At least, with practice, I hope it will.

I learned a wonderful meditation last week, courtesy of Ter’s current philosophical mentor, the marvelously tranquil Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s short and simple, so I’ve remembered and am applying it when required:

(breathe in) Calm
(breathe out) Smile
(breathe in) Present Moment
(breathe out) Wonderful Moment

I can’t meditate in front of a candle—I fall asleep—but I can do it on a street corner. Whenever I feel myself taking off into orbit, I can slow myself down and proceed more peacefully.

Sometimes. Not always. But I’m getting there.

Saturday, 29 March 2014

I Love TSN2!



The trouble with following an American hockey team is that Canadian stations rarely broadcast Flyer games unless they’re in the playoffs; however, TSN2 picks up their signal from NBC. Thanks to the Shaw digital box (where there are upwards of 400 stations and nights when there’s still nothing worth watching), this year I have seen more regular season Philly games – sometimes in Philadelphia – than I did when the NHL consisted of 21 teams!

Puck drop is usually around the time I get home, so if Ter comes in and the TV is on, she’s guaranteed to find Basher on the coffee table and me drinking buttered rum tea, warming up my vocal cords for inevitably poor language midway through the first period. It’s nice when the boys win, but I’m just thrilled to see them often enough to match faces with numbers … though looking along the bench the other night, I realized that the majority of the lads are shaggy, strawberry blond, and sporting various degrees of scruff on their toothless mugs.

They’re also clinging to third spot in their division, behind the New York Rangers and doomed to play them in the first round if things remain as they are. They were in NY when this pic was taken (and lost the game, ^%$&*#), reminding me that, had I spied Ron Duguay instead of Bobby Clarke that fateful day in 1974, I would have been a Rangers fan.

Friday, 28 March 2014

Heartfelt


Ter has lived most of her life by following her heart. One day someone asked her if she’s been successful at it and she answered, “Not always.”

On the surface, it may look that way. Life doesn’t always go to plan. You fall in love with a guy who breaks your heart. You give your best to a job where others advance by manipulating themselves into promotions. You watch other people living the white picket fence dream and having the nerve to bitch about it. Take enough detours and hit enough dead ends, and eventually you’ll wonder where you went wrong.

But did you? Can you ever truly err by heeding the keeper of your little voice? Life does go to plan, just not to the plan you imagine once you’re old enough to believe that you need one. Truth is, people are born with plans. That’s the point of this mortal exercise. If the plan you imagine coincides with the one you came with, great. If not, then you consider yourself a failure. But are you? Really?

In a world where all our priorities are skewed, you might think so. How sad is it when a loving, generous, trusting, inherently good person questions herself for being loving, generous, trusting and inherently good? When she’s not locked in mortal combat with herself, Ter is my example of how to get it right. Truly, she has suffered for it: the guy broke her heart, she was stonewalled at work, she took a while to realize that the white picket fence was only the dream she was promised if she did everything right. It wasn’t actually her dream.

At her core, in her innately wise moments, I think she is doing just fine in the plan department. She has a strong set of personal values that have steered her through all manner of adversity. She is by no means perfect (sorry, bud), but throughout the hardest moments of her life, she has remained impeccable. She hasn’t done that by following her head. She’s done it by following her heart … and in no way can that be called anything other than successful.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Happy Anniversary!


Comfortable Rebellion is a year old today. Ordinarily, I’d do a rejig to get it back on track, but it seems to be evolving in line with my original intention, which was to have it evolve in line with me. I set out to write about writing, about process and creativity, and to share some of my work. I also meant to write about Stuff in a positive and encouraging way. I aimed to make a warm, safe place online where you could drop by for a cup of tea and a story, perhaps for a bit of lively debate or a review of what I’m reading/watching/listening to in hope that you’ll be inspired to try it yourself.

There’s a lot of me in this blog simply because I only have my own experience from which to draw. Where possible, I’ve related items culled from other sources (admittedly peppered with Ru-isms), mixed with family history, philosophical concepts, sport scores, and the occasional WTF??? During the course of CR’s first year, I have written two lengthy short stories, a few really short stories, revised some existing works, and am still hacking away at the novel. If I ever suspected that blogging was cutting into my writing time, looking at the post count kinda makes me look whiny(er). In truth, this past year has been an adventure in creativity, in finding ways to put a positive spin on life’s little negatives (though I’m still unconvinced that gum surgery was necessary for my spiritual development) and, as an unforeseen bonus, in inspiring my siblings and sire to start Google accounts! I didn’t intend on writing for an audience, but since I have one … thank you all for coming by. You have helped to keep me writing.

Gluten-free birthday cake, anyone?

Monday, 24 March 2014

“When I Regained Consciousness”



When I regained consciousness, the world was home to more people than it could sustain. Poverty, disease and violence ruled the overcrowded cities. Revolution raged in pockets around the globe. Industrial waste poisoned the water and polluted the air. Chemicals punched holes in the atmosphere and forced Nature to greater extremes to balance the climate. Numberless indigenous species were exterminated in the relentless pursuit of progress.
When I regained consciousness, fear fought with despair and love was a commodity. The fate of millions was decided by a faceless quorum whose names were known by none. Success was dictated by status. Too few had too much while too many had too little. Fortunes were made and economies destroyed by virtual digits darting through cyberspace.
When I regained consciousness, the Canucks were out of the playoffs and the Maple Leafs were in.
When I regained consciousness, the sky was a bright polished blue. The smell of fresh cut grass was as sweet as the childrenʼs laughter on the breeze that tickled my skin. The cherry trees bloomed and the chickadees chirped. The rain was cool as it danced on the pavement and the sunrise made me pause to marvel at the colours in the clouds.
When I regained consciousness, everything was the same.

* * *

Another writing exercise, this one prompted by the phrase that became its title. I have lately become too aware of misery, seen too many news items about all that is wrong with the world. It started to overwhelm me—probably because I have another %?$/&*ing cold—and just as I felt myself being sucked into the vortex, I heard a little bird chirp and realized that I was missing a gloriously sunny spring day.  A shift of focus and this piece was born.

You cannot change anyoneʼs misery but your own. Stay conscious.

Saturday, 22 March 2014

“Black and Blonde” (Conclusion)



The cartridge took her in the chest. She staggered but held her ground, her face falling in disbelief. There was a wisp of smoke, the smell of gunpowder, then the flare ignited within her and she screamed.
Raymond bellowed and yanked the knife from Jett’s shoulder. Black swung and aimed as he made to lunge. “There’s one more in here, pal.”
The threat worked. Raymond stopped. Clare had begun to burn. Stalled in the act of dying, she stood fully conscious with her skin lit like a paper lantern. The wound in her chest steamed and spat blood. She turned wide eyes to Black and stretched a hand toward him. “Ariel …”
He swallowed hard. Raymond stepped toward her. Black’s voice stopped him. “Don’t, or you’ll go down with her.”
“You would be wise to wish me that foolish,” Raymond snarled.
Clare screamed again. The flare was eating her from the inside out, burning away at muscle and internal organs. She folded to her knees and began to scream in earnest; piercing, feral shriek after shriek as her body collapsed in upon itself. Smoke rolled from her gaping mouth, leaked from her nose and ears. The last thing Black saw before he grabbed Tess and bolted was the hideous, squelching pop of her eyes. Red flame shot from the sockets and she fell forward to the floor. Raymond let out a roar of anguished rage. Black pulled Tess to her feet and pushed her ahead of him through the door.
Go!”
She ran for the stairs with Black on her heels. He hit the fire alarm as she reached the door. The bell went off and the sprinklers kicked in; the ensuing confusion made it impossible for Jett to follow them.
They pounded down twelve flights of stairs, swinging off the rail at every landing. Hotel guests in everything from evening clothes to bathrobes trickled into the stairwell on each floor; Tess ran headlong into an old woman with a cane and Black had to stop and right her before they could go on. The growing stream of guests frustrated their escape and there was little comfort in knowing the chase would be hampered as well. He tried not to think about Clare.
They filtered onto the pavement with the rest of the crowd at the front of the hotel. Black took hold of Tess’s hand to keep her from straying. Sirens wailed in the distance. A police cruiser pulled into the alley to see what was going on. There was no sign of Raymond or Jett. Tess jerked on Black’s hand. “Let’s go.”
People were coming from all directions to see what was happening at the Four Seasons. No one took note of the couple in their thirties as they strolled hand in hand to the end of the block and turned the corner.

* * *

Aurora set them up with a buddy of hers on the strip, well away from the waterfront where Raymond and his gang were sure to go looking. The room wasn’t any higher-end than the room Black had called home, but it would do until they could get out of town. And getting out of town was their only option. Black had committed the unpardonable sin of killing one of his own. Not only would the mortals be after him, now the vampires would be, too.
Tess wanted to go home. “You can’t,” he told her. “It’s not safe.”
“What about after sunrise?”
He shook his head. “Raymond has mortal cronies like I do, but his are more dangerous.”
Her eyes filled with tears—and allowable offense since she had been so brave at the hotel. “All my stuff is there.”
What she meant was all her memories of Travis were there, but that wasn’t something Black could help her with. “You’ll have to carry him in your heart, sugar. He’s gone, and unless you want to join him, you can’t go back.”
She wiped her eyes with her fingers before the tears fell. The amethyst on her left hand sparkled darkly in the dim light. “I guess I’ve screwed up both our lives.”
“Looks that way.”
“You think I should have let it alone, don’t you?”
He gave her a look that she couldn’t miss, even through his sunglasses. It earned a reluctant smile, and she ventured closer to the corner where he sat slumped on the floor.
She knelt before him. “I have to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“What she said about Travis, about him wanting to be with her before he died. Did you believe her?”
“Nope.”
His answer surprised her. He saw hope leap in her eyes, then die back when it occurred that he was trying to spare her feelings.
“I believe that they had a relationship before he met you,” he said, sitting forward, “but I think that she came back for him and he didn’t want to play.”
“Why not?” she whispered.
“Because he loved you, Tess. I saw it in every stroke of every drawing. You were the girl for him, and not even Clare could make him break the commitment. I’m sorry that he died for it, but that’s what I think happened.”
“That’s no reason to kill someone. It’s so petty.”
“It’s easy to kill over petty things when you’ve lived for centuries.”
“Then I never want to live that long.”
He smiled. “That’s too bad, sister. You’ve got potential.”
Her eyes widened so much that an errant tear spilled. “How can you say such a thing?”
“Because you saved my ass at the hotel. You did everything right, just the way I told you to. You were great, Tess. I’d have you at my back any day.”
She blinked another tear from her lashes, but he could see that she was grateful for the praise. “You saved my butt, too,” she pointed out. “If you hadn’t had that knife in your boot—”
He waved her off. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done now. It’s over. But it won’t help with the matter of suicide. You still can’t prove anything to the police.”
“I know.” She sounded sheepish. She glanced away, then back to his face. Her own was earnest. “You understand, though, don’t you? I had to do it. I had to know the truth. I loved him so much, I just—” She bowed her head and finally broke, sobbing into her cupped hands. Black leaned over and pulled her between his legs, cradling her in all fours while she vented her grief and anger in tears. He laid his cheek against her fluffy blonde hair and closed his eyes to do a little grieving of his own.
When she had quieted, they sat together in silence. The sky brightened outside the window, turning a crystalline shade of mauve that matched the reflection of Tess’s pink shirt in her blue eyes. She sat curled against him with her head in the hollow of his shoulder. She felt good, solid. Real. She smelled good, too.
“You owe me a dossier,” he said.
Her head moved but didn’t tip up to let him see her face. “I have a confession to make,” she said slowly.
He almost groaned. “Don’t say it. I’m already depressed at how gullible I am.”
“I’m sorry.” She sounded sincere—but her life was wrecked as well.
“It’s okay,” he sighed. “I’ve spent my whole life at the mercy of wily women.”
She almost laughed; he felt it in her staggered breath. “But I owe you ten grand,” she reminded him. “I can deliver that.”
He thought for a minute, watching the mauve sky shift to azure. It was pleasant here despite the shabby room and the knowledge that he was now officially on the lam. He wasn’t as upset as he had imagined he would be over losing Clare. It was actually a relief to be free of her. He had done more than avenge Travis by shooting her. In a funny way, he had finally avenged the peasant boy she had tormented for as long as he could remember.
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he told Tess. “This one’s on me.”

THE END


July 15, 2001

Friday, 21 March 2014

Spring is Sprung


Daffy daff. I wondered why this one grew with its back to the sun until I realized that, like a trumpeter heralding the king, its job is to announce the royal presence. A new day, a new season, a new year, a new cycle.

Spring officially arrived in a blustery sunny burst of hail yesterday morning. Victoria weather is always a mixed bag. One minute pouring, the next minute blindingly bright, always windy, then … ye gods, is that hail? The sky holds everything from gulls hanging on the updraft to clouds so dense that light bends around them. Don’t like what you’ve got? Wait five minutes. It will change—and if not, the gods made you adaptable. So adapt.

Hands up, everyone who knows yesterday was also International Happiness Day. Another important date, like Random Acts of Kindness Week, that got no media attention. I only know about it because Ter, despite her present obsession with “Where in the World is Malaysian Air Flight 370?”, has chosen to receive—gasp!—positive (?!) headlines on her FB newsfeed and continually flips me links to keep me inspired. (I am not insensitive to the MA370 mystery, by the way; I’m as baffled and suspicious as anyone, but life must go on for those whose lives can go on.) It’s preaching to the converted, but I voted among the 87% who believe that true success is based on “happiness and wellbeing” rather than “money and stuff”. I will always have what I need and I will always be loved. Excellent starting points from which to build.

Today is “Ru Happiness Day”. Despite slogging through my second cold in two months, I am safe, warm, plugged into a green tea IV, and following my bliss. Yep, that’d be writing. Whether it be blog posts, handwritten notes for a new short story, or trying to keep a young man’s fancy from jumping the gun in the novel, I am doing what I love to do best. Playing with words. Describing pictures. Transcribing conversations. Forgetting to eat. Disregarding the time. I do have the finale of True Detective on tap over lunch, but other than that, spring has sprung, the day is mesmerizing … and my back is to the window, my face bathed in the sickly blue glow of the monitor, and my gyokuro imperial green tea is just about steeped. Watch out, cold symptoms.

Happiness abounds.