2 out of 5

Volume 1 of Fixed Fire

My poet buddy, Nicole, has been dabbling in prose these past few months. She’s a poet first, but one day a voice came to her and from then on she’s been besieged by characters clamouring to tell her their stories. It’s been great fun to watch and share her experience. We’ve both learned a lot from it.

On completing her most recent piece, she emailed me with an interesting observation. Everyone, she said, hated it. She’s been writing for long enough to have exchanged ego for “educational opportunity”, so she welcomes negative feedback as graciously as the positive – and that’s imperative if an artist wants to develop and improve. You have to lose your ego.

Sure, Ru. Remember “Treason”?

Oh. That.

A few years ago, I proudly entered my first self-published novel in a contest sponsored by a literary magazine that shall go nameless. At the very least, each entry was guaranteed to be read, and the author would be awarded a review of their work. After an interminable length of time, I got the very least – a 5-point rating of the story, the characters, the layout, the writing proper, and the artwork. In each category, my baby garnered 2 out of 5.

You bet I was insulted. Outraged, even. Some faceless drone had just called my child lame and stupid. Inaccurately interpreted by ego, I was lame and I was stupid. No, I did not take it graciously. I let it depress me for a while, though I did not cry and, more importantly, I did not quit writing. I can’t quit writing, simply because it’s what I do, what I am. It’s not up to others to decide if I can write. It’s up to me, and because of that, I should welcome the negative feedback with the positive.

Once I realized this, the below-average grade lost it is edge. It even became an in-house joke between Ter and me. “What do you think of this, bud?” I would ask, to which she would cheerily reply, “2 out of 5!”

These days, I share my work with a trusted few whose opinions I respect. Good, bad, or indifferent, theirs is the feedback I appreciate most. Anyone else is free to like or dislike it without risk of being cursed or, worse, hunted down and maimed. Just don’t be bitchy about it.

There is always something positive to be said about someone’s art, even if it’s only finding a gentle way to say, “Don’t give up your day job.” The same rule applies to everything else life – not because I have the power to destroy someone’s universe (I wish), but because something good can always be found if you take the time to look for it.

Hey, I’m not above spouting a knee-jerk, “Idiot!” when my feelings are hurt, and I’ve held grudges from kindergarten ... but I hope that my ego is softening, that one day I’ll be as brave as Nicole about feedback of any ilk. Until then, 2 out of 5?

I re-read “Treason” last week. Yes, I see where it could be tightened up and improved, but compared to books I’ve recently read that were published through a big fat company, I’m adamant that it deserves nothing less than 3 out of 5.

Methinks the ego may still need work.