Christmas Kryptonite

 

Lookee what Ter brought home the other day! Oh, joy! Hallelujah, let the church say “Amen”, Christmas candy is now available – and November has hardly begun!

Remember when holiday treats were truly limited editions? When eggnog, candy canes, boxes of chocolates and tins of cookies were on the shelves for maybe four weeks before Christmas? When the sublime blend of white chocolate and peppermint candy had yet to be invented? I remember those days. I don’t lament them much, either, but whoever decided to mix crushed candy canes into melted white chocolate deserves some sort of culinary—nay, Nobel—award.

Something magical has happened this year. For the first time since the Before Time, I’m getting excited about Christmas. The neighbours behind us put twinkle lights on their balcony a few days before Hallowe’en—it was probably to celebrate Diwali, but I was thrilled with the multi-coloured light show anyway. Eggnog lattes are now available at my coffee haunt, even ahead of Starbucks; I haven’t indulged as yet, but I won’t wait until December to have one. Ter and I are talking about holiday baking again. I’ve listened to Christmas tunes on two occasions so far and she’s confessed to playing holiday discs in the car. And we may be out of our minds in this smaller apartment, but this year, we’re tackling the Big Tree without caring if it overwhelms the living room.

But it started with the Candy Cane Kisses. I don’t even like Hershey’s chocolate, but these little bonbons are deadly addictive (something in the toxic red food colouring, perchance?). Their similarity to my favourite ice cream ever – peppermint candy – could explain it; maybe it’s the refreshing punch of peppermint in the sweet white chocolate. Or the textural contrast of crunchy bits in melty surroundings. Don’t know, don’t care. Get ’em while you can. They might be here early, but they sure won’t stay late.

Think I’ll have just one more ...

Food Porn XIII

"Chovocado Pudding"

The pursuit of drug-free pain management continues. I stopped taking Aleve every other night after a scary bout of what might have been food poisoning but also checked every box for overuse of non-prescription meds. I don’t even take it occasionally, anymore. Once bitten, you know.

But once bitten, what was the alternative to my little blue pill? Once again, I looked to my diet. COVID restrictions have helped in one area: “take out” means more than a bacon cheeseburger for pickup. Now it means “prepare to be taken out for a day after eating take out”. It’s amazing how quickly my body responds to inflammatory foods, and tasty as that burger may be, it’s also loaded with salt, fat, dairy, and whatever the steer was fed before it became a beef patty. I’m basically shrink-wrapped for twenty-four hours after consuming one.

I also live with a food narc. Ter is a strong believer in food as medicine; she has a ton of books on the subject and has made it her personal mission to feed me all the right stuff. But she can’t control what I choose to consume on my own watch.

So on the morning when I announced I was giving up sugar, she almost wept with relief. The preceding few weeks had been fraught with pain, frustration, and desperation as my symptoms worsened and I stubbornly continued to ignore my inner voice. In fact, I had almost defiantly begun hoarding treats: muffins, cookies, granola bars, candy, chocolate – if sugar was the primary ingredient, I bought it. Finally, after a particularly rough weekend, I surrendered. Consulting one of Ter’s anti-inflammatory books, I determined that honey and maple syrup could stay on the list, but everything else had to go. No sugar? No problem.

And so to the “food porn” part of this post. I would never in a million years have imagined that a phenomenal chocolate pudding could result from five ingredients that exclude milk, cream, melted chocolate, sugar, or any of the other items on my verboten foods list. But it can, and it does:

One ripe avocado

3 tablespoons cocoa powder

2.5 to 3 tablespoons maple syrup

Pinch of salt

¼ to 1/3 cup almond or coconut milk (your preference)

Put everything into a food processor and blitz until smooth and creamy. (Note: the amount of almond milk depends on the size of the avocado and how creamy you like your pud.) Refrigerate for a couple of hours – it’s really good cold – and enjoy within a few days. Word is that it spoils fairly quickly, but mine has never lasted that long.

I dare yours to do the same.

Festive Foliage

Work, work, work. Shop, shop, shop. Party, party, party. Oh yeah, and take the car in to have a nail pulled from a front tire—even at Christmas, life happens.

Amid the hustle/bustle of prepping food, wrapping presents, and getting together with people you haven’t seen all year, it’s easy to lose yourself in the hubbub. Ironically, during the season of giving, we often forget to give to ourselves. This doesn’t translate into buying yourself two gifts for every one you buy for someone else. Okay, maybe it does, but I’m thinking more along the lines of self-care. Taking time to paint your toenails Christmas crimson, for instance. Stopping for steamed eggnog during a whirlwind prezzie blitz through the mall. Curling up in a comfy chair with a cup of tea and The Night Circus. Little things to keep you in the spirit without succumbing to the stress of the season.

I’ve been fortunate in finding joy this Christmas. I’ve had fun dashing out on coffee breaks to buy sock stuffers, dropping my budget forecast to go for tea with a friend, and streaming carols on my work computer. Now that I’m on vacation, I’ve really enjoyed spending time looking at decorations, chatting with people, and generally absorbing the Yuletide vibe. It’s been crazy-busy as usual, but this year, I’ve been less resentful of the hectic pace. I spent Saturday morning downtown, finishing up the last of my shopping. I exchanged laughs with every store clerk I dealt with and the chocolate balsamic I sampled at the King’s Deli was divine; it didn’t matter that the rain was a steady drizzle and I had no umbrella, I was fully engaged in the moment. The eggnog cream from Chocolat didn’t hurt, either. It was a nice little reward for waiting while they sugared up the champagne truffles I was getting for someone else. Then, hiking up the street toward the car, I passed the florist and their glorious display of Christmas bouquets and paused. They were so pretty, all red and green and white, but I had no one to buy them for …

Oh, why not?

I told Ter that I got them for her … but they made me feel so loved that I think I might have done it as much for myself.

Take care of yourself today and every day, but do it especially during high-pressure holidays. You’ll give love more freely if you give a little to yourself as well.

With love,

Chocolate Meditation

There are meditations for walking. There are meditations for driving. There are bedtime meditations, sunrise meditations, green tea meditations, cooking meditations, eating meditations, standing-in-line meditations, and even elevator meditations. There seems to be a meditation for every moment of every hour of every day, each designed to keep us focused on the present, to help us with intention and to further the quest for inner peace.

I have yet to happen on a meditation for chocolate, but I may have discovered why. Chocolate doesn’t need one. By its very nature, chocolate can stall time in its tracks.

Pop a piece of your favourite flavour and feel your cares melt away with the cocoa butter in your mouth. Inhale the sweet perfume as it rises from the back of your tongue. Lose yourself in the pure, unadulterated pleasure of becoming one with the gods who created this bliss. The real world fades into the wallpaper if the chocolate is properly enjoyed, and you emerge from the moment calmer and more serene than you were before it began.

(Breathe in) I smell heaven.

(Breathe out) I taste heaven.

(Breathe in) I feel heaven.

(Breathe out) I know heaven.

Once the clock resumes ticking, I guarantee you’ll be less stressed about it. So perhaps there’s a chocolate meditation after all.

Chai Me a River

2 out of 5 :(

It doesn’t matter that I don’t drink coffee. I love coffee houses. Back when Starbucks shops were a novelty rather than staked on every street corner, I tested everything on their menu that wasn’t coffee-based and discovered the joy of chai tea lattes. Black tea, warm spices, steamed milk and a shot of nutmeg sprinkled on top, and I’m in sweet creamy heaven. 

There are at least eight options for coffee/tea within a two block radius of my office (two of which are Starbucks outlets). I’ve dropped coin at most of them; where I go depends on what I want and how I want it. Generally, I restrict my enthusiasm to some form of tea – not a latte, but hot water infused with something green, white or herbal. Now that autumn is coming on, though, I find myself leaning toward those warm, spicy, foamy, milky, sweet drinks that simultaneously expand my waistline while thinning my wallet. I can make them at home (sort of), but the big guns have launched a new trend: the chocolate chai tea latte. 

Yesterday, while on a photographic flânerie with my new camera, I stopped at the village Starbucks to try one of theirs. The bar has already been set by their tea-based affiliate, Teavana (that’s another post); I had one there before my vacation started and holy heck, was it good! All it needed was a honkin’ huge gingersnap to go alongside and even then, the sugar buzz would have been overkill had I dared to indulge. But back to Bucky’s … it was only okay. I tasted the chocolate (they use syrup), and I tasted the chai blend (they use their own Tazo brand, which was my staple for years), and the sweetened whipped cream on top was yummy, but it was not as good as Teavana’s. On a scale of 1 to 5 ... I give it a paltry 2 and suggest they stick to flogging coffee.

There are two other coffee places in the village and I have five more vacation days in which to pursue my quest. Tomorrow: Moka House!

Better Than Air

Apparently, flanerie is not an option at the office. I cannot leave the building without a destination ... and what better destination is there than the best chocolate shop in Victoria? I can’t decide if it’s a blessing or a curse that Chocolat is located right downstairs, especially since I’ve lately discovered that my debilitating headaches are not triggered by cocoa but are in fact due to gluten sensitivity.

This is my third day back at work after a week of writing. It started out painlessly enough, but as the days creep by (and I mean creeeeeep; slow as molasses in January), my back starts to bug me and my brain starts leaking through my ears. Ter says it’s sick building syndrome and I believe her, but I’m a dolt about getting outside for air because it invariably costs me money. If not a five-dollar tea latte, it’ll be something equally frivolous and expensive, but at 11:00 this morning, I was literally falling asleep at my computer, soooo ...

A walk around the block brought me to the chocolate shop where I bought a Cerise – a cherry soaked in brandy and enrobed in dark chocolate. It’s sitting on my desk as I type, luring me in with its smooth cocoa scent and pink lustre finish. What’s really silly is that it very well may sit there until tomorrow. I didn’t need the chocolate. I just needed a place to go while taking an air break.

Maybe I’d get out more if air cost two-fifty a lung ...