My Same

the birthday girl before I knew her

“We are drawn together and pulled apart in all the right ways to make it last.”

– Timothy Findlay

Ter found this quote and immediately saw how it applied to our relationship. We have been friends for thirty years. We have been sisters from the dawn of time. In fact, she falls perfectly into the birth order between my older sister and me. Had she been born to my parents … well, she wouldn’t have been who she is and I probably wouldn’t have appreciated her as much.

I don’t always appreciate her now – at least, not outwardly. She tops my daily gratitude list and when she drives away after dropping me at work, my whole life goes with her. I could live on my own. I just don’t want to.

When we first met, I was in awe. She was cool, composed and seemed to have it all together in ways that I couldn’t begin to emulate. She was blonde and beautiful (still is, in fact), articulate and surely closer to perfection than I would ever get. See, we were more religious in those days, so the aim to perfection was our primary purpose. Sister K seemed to have it all going on. I was asking too many questions … and disliking most of the answers.

Anyway, she needed a ride to a church function one night, so I agreed to pick her up at her parents’ apartment. She got into the car, we started talking … and we’ve been talking ever since. She’s my hero, one of the bravest souls I know despite what she calls her “Piglety moments” when she is a small and timid animal relying on my Tigger tendencies to get her through them. Most of the time, she is smart, strong-willed, organized, intelligent, fearless, and so in control of the world that I’m happy to ride alongside and enjoy the scenery. At other times, she is deeply spiritual, openly connected to the universe, dreamy, creative, spontaneous, funny, and always my better half. I’m dark, she’s light. I’m cynical, she’s hopeful. I’m optimistic, she’s pessimistic—that sounds backward but really isn’t. We have spent three decades learning to balance each other. We have enough differences to pull us apart and enough similarities to draw us together, as Timothy Findlay says, to make it last.

Adele Akins wrote a song about her best friend, entitled “My Same.” Polar opposites, yet perfectly matched to make a healthy whole. I love the song. It could be about Ter and me.

Today is her birthday. Today is my Thanksgiving.

Here’s to another thirty years together, buddee. I love you.