Resentments Under Construction

It’s handy having an icon who went to rehab then wrote about it. Naturally, I can’t find the exact moment in the book (In the Pleasure Groove: Love, Death and Duran Duran), but somewhere in the pages, John Taylor shared a saying that he picked up in treatment:

 

“Expectations are resentments under construction.”

It struck such a chord with me that I put it onto my office board. I remind myself of it whenever I come away from something disappointed. I try to apply it going in as well, being a person who once viewed optimism as expecting the worst of everything and everyone so that I could be pleasantly surprised if it didn’t happen. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes not. Expecting the best of everything and everyone doesn’t work that well, either. You get what you get, expectations or no, so why have any at all?

Dr. Wayne Dyer suggests that by envisioning things like prosperity and abundance, and expecting the universe to make it so, then prosperity and abundance will manifest. I’ve tried it. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I’ve seen expectations exceeded. I’ve also seen expectations go down in flames, and when the person trying to manifest those great expectations deserves the best of everything yet winds up on the crap end of the deal, I have to step back and reframe.

Then I remember the saying from JT’s autobiography.

Resentments under construction.

When expectations are not met, you blame the other person. You blame the universe. Worst of all, you blame yourself. You should have tried harder. You should have prayed more. You should have steered clear of that Mars bar. Augh. Should, should, should! Old programming is really hard to break. It creeps into my new age philosophy whenever things do not go as I, er, expected. I like Wayne Dyer. Some of his theories and affirmations really do make sense to me. As with religion, however, no one spiritual guru has the market cornered on what works. I’m beginning to suspect that the universal response is tailored to the individual anyway. I can build my spiritual wardrobe from the weave of various designers and create a look that works for me. So, today, out with expectation.

Hope is the new expectation. It’s softer, gentler, more forgiving. More accepting. Less accusatory. Now instead of expecting a particular outcome, I hope for a particular outcome. The outcome may be the same either way, being the best thing for me no matter how I perceive it, but there is a grace in hope that expectation doesn’t exhibit when things go sideways. Hope is more gracious in success, too.

No one ever accused her of being a resentment under construction.